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Questions to Ask for Speed Dating August 7, 2007

Filed under: Love — sarah @ 9:51 am

So, you’ve decided to try speed dating, but you have no idea what you are going to ask your speed dates? Here are some speed dating questions that will help you get the information you want out of potential long-term partners:

Do you believe in love at first sight?
What do you think is the most important value in a relationship?
When was your last relationship? How long did it last?
What are you looking for in a relationship?
What you don’t want in a relationship?
Which is the one job in the world that you would really like to do?
If you had three wishes, what would they be?
If you were an animal, what would you be?
If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
If you could travel through time, what mistake would you correct in your life?
What do you do for fun?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Who was your hero as a child?
What makes you laugh and what makes you cry?
What are you most proud of in your life?
What is the one thing you would most like me to know about you?
What words would your friends use to describe you?

It’s not a good idea to ask your prospective date where she or he lives until you know them a little better. If possible avoid sensitive areas such as religion or politics. Remember to maintain eye contact during the conversation. Also, don’t turn the conversation into an interrogation.

It is important that you trust your gut instinct. Asking the right questions combined with your intuition will definitely help you find the man or woman of your dreams.

 

The Greatest Language of Love July 6, 2007

Filed under: Love — sarah @ 3:59 pm

Love, is where two hearts meet and knit together through happiness and sadness. Love can make many hearts skip with excitement yet love can also cause many broken hearts. It takes little effort for one to become a romantic partner. The many creative and interesting ways to add romance in relationship can be readily found in books, magazines, and the internet.

It takes great effort for those in pursuit of a deeper love relationship that could survive many unprepared and unexpected storms. Many will readily say “yes” when asked whether they are romantic lovers. However, few will admit that they are consummate lovers that does not seek the returns of love but are willing to devote their lives in giving true happiness to the person they love.

Whether you are in love, falling out of love or have never been in love, it is never too early or too late to learn the greatest language of love. Learning to love is a growing process. It always starts off with the special feelings that could not get your mind off from thinking about the special person. If such feelings are experienced by the two persons who are about to fall in love, it leads to an eclectic stage where both eyes and hearts are strongly magnetized towards each other. Great deal of time is now spent together as the sparks of love turn into burning flames; where romance is at its peak.

However, this journey of love which initially took off to Caribbean beach; surrounded by sunset and paradise, soon landed on the pathway of reality. The flames of love have gradually smothered as the demands and expectations of life set in.

For some, the flames have smothered into shimmering sparks similar to that found in the fire flies. These sparks are soon carried by the fire flies to ignite another flame with someone else. This is when love causes heartaches and trust, betrayed. Yet for many, the flames have smothered into dust, leaving the relationship dry and dull.

This is when the very core of love is tested. The survivability of the relationship is no longer depended on whether roses are given or romantic candle light dinner is prepared. It is about whether the relationship can survive the storm with determination and commitment to help each face the storm; as well as unconditional and sacrificial love to give hope and faith in surviving the storm together.

In facing such relentless storm that could break or build the relationship, what is the greatest language of love? Most conservatists will opt for the most classic language that is widely spoken, from youthful passions to mature companionships, a language that has touched and warmed many hearts: “I Love You”!

As simple and classic as it may sound, some took great bravery to confess it; some said it casually to create momentary romance that soon fades away; while many have said it again and again, to the point of death that life has ended well because of the power of love.

This indeed is the greatest language of love. Not spoken with selfish and manipulative intentions but with the deepest desire to cherish the moments spent with your loved one, to be a pillar of strength though various seasons of life, and to hold on tightly to each other even at the point of diminishing hope, because after the storm is gone, sunrise and sunset will soon appear.

The storm is here but a moment. The sunset and sunrise last a life time for as long as both hearts keep guarding the flames and never put it off……“till death do us part”.

This article is written by Sarah Taylors.

 

Ending Your Relationship July 2, 2007

Filed under: Love — sarah @ 10:45 am

Are you thinking about ending a relationship but not really sure if you should? When it comes to making a decision about ending your relationship, make sure that you don’t do it on a whim; we often get angry and make decisions that we end up regretting.

Some signals will be obvious while others will be a little more difficult to see. There should be no question in your mind about ending a verbal or physical abusing relationship though; that’s something you need to get away from. Some people are afraid to leave an abusive relationship or feel like the person may change, but there really is no excuse for anyone to be treated that way.

One of the most common reasons people end a relationship is when they simply grow apart. It can happen to the best of relationships; you just don’t like the same things anymore and/or the common bond that kept you together is no longer there. Certain people weren’t meant to be together and it’s nothing to get worked up over.

If your relationship comes to a halt and you’re the victim, it’s important to remember that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. It may not seem that way at first, but believe it or not, you’ll find someone else who’ll make you happy again. Ending a relationship is a new beginning and really just a prelude to the next one, so why not think of it as an exciting adventure that’s waiting for you. It’s hard starting over again, but the next relationship could be the one you’ve been waiting for.

If you’re trying to get over a relationship, try to keep yourself busy. It won’t make you forget about your loss but it will lessen the time that you sit thinking about. Keep busy by hanging out with friends and family, go shopping, or maybe go on a vacation. Why not learn something new by enrolling into that class you’ve always wanted to take. You should probably avoid going the movies or reading books, these activities tend to make your mind wander

Ending a relationship can be tough, especially when they end abruptly, and it’ll feel like you’ll never be able to get over them. But the truth is, you will; time has a funny way of making everything alright. Remember, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”.

By: Ron Zvagelsky

 

Is Your Fear Keeping You Single? June 21, 2007

Filed under: Love — sarah @ 10:49 am

Many people who are seeking dates are limited by their fears of a lot of things in their life which they cannot affect, but are vainly trying to control. A naked fear of failure, of difference, of love, of hurt, of the consequences and even life itself, in the futile search for perfection. Worst of all, they fear commitment to someone for a long time. They might not get hurt by hanging back, but they stay stuck in their fear, fossilised and boring, doing the same old things, with the same expectations, but getting the same joyless results, while becoming increasingly unhappy and unattractive in the process.

The people who fear the most about potential relationships live in regret. They tend to be the ones who don’t make use of the opportunity in the first place because of the constant fear of failure and hurt that dog them daily. They would rather dither over their decisions, or take no decisions, allowing the opportunity to pass, then berate themself later on for not acting on the moment. It is very easy to sit and fret, or to live in regret; to worry constantly about what might happen in the future while feeling sorry for ourselves. Constant regret about the relationship which didn’t take off, the man or woman who hurt us, the partner who behaved badly or the person who rejected us, rather to chalk it up to life and use the experience for better growth. Living in fear and regret takes no skill or courage but it certainly keeps us single!

None of us is perfect, yet we spend our life in a futile effort to achieve such perfection through control. That little word control’ accounts for the numerous regrets we have, especially when we fail to control our lives at every turn and regret our mistakes’ and the hurt we had. Instead we use everything which goes wrong’ to prove how terrible we are or how bad our partners were, fuelling our fear of the future, which then prevents us from getting new dates and moving on with our lives. Fearing a repeat of our hurt, the next person we meet is likely to suffer from our pain without knowing what they have done, and are then deprived of the commitment they rightfully deserve. Men are particularly guilty of this. Often a man will tell the next woman who treats him well that she has restored’ his faith in women, as if the one woman who caused his pain represents the whole gender species!

The Importance of Commitment
The most important word behind love and respect is commitment. When we respect or love someone, we commit to them for whatever time required in the interaction. That’s the price we pay for more happiness with someone else. We commit to affirming them, aligning with them, to reinforcing their aspirations and self-belief, to valuing them as a significant person we admire and to enhancing their happiness while expanding our own. Through commitment come enrichment and joy. So when we cannot commit to another person, we are only half alive without the contentment we seek. Regret and fear keep that commitment at bay.

Human value comes from interaction, affirmation and love. We do not need anyone to complete us physically, but we do need others to enrich the quality of our lives if we are not to become mechanical robots with fossilised emotions. Our life becomes joyous only when we are enriched by someone else, and vice versa. If we are not reinforced in any way, we are likely to feel excluded from the social contact we crave. People give meaning to our lives. Without them we feel invisible. When we fear people, fear commitment to them, or fear repeats of past hurt, they all negatively effect our living. Thus, if fear is keeping you single, you’ll be missing out on a life.

By Elaine Sihera

 

How to know if she is the Right Girl for You June 18, 2007

Filed under: Love — sarah @ 10:40 am

It is great to have a long term relationship even if this is very difficult to sustain. It supposes a lot of sacrifices from both partners. Maybe you have met a wonderful girl a long time ago and you still have a relationship with her because you were able to make all the sacrifices and changes that needed, to make this work. But have you ever wondered if she is the right girl for you?

Many couples after years of relationship break up because they find out that they are not compatible. Worst, sometimes couples that are married get divorce because they are not suitable with each other and didn’t realize this earlier. So, if you are in a relationship right now stop for a second and analyze your relationship, your girlfriend and see if this is what you really want and if she is the right girl for you, until it’s not too late.

Even if your relationship works well, you have to think if she is the right girl for you, the one with whom you want to spend all your life. How do you if she is the right one? Here are some things that might help you:

– makes you feel more happy, makes you smile more, help you every time you needed, it is a person you can trust on, someone you see you can have a future with

-she is focused on you, you are definitely not on the second place in her life

-she loves you, you can see this from her attitude; observe the way she looks at you and treats you everyday, how she speaks with you, if she is glad when you are making a surprise to her; she has to love you for who you are and not for who you try to be

-eye contact it is also very important, so watch out because if she doesn’t have the courage to look directly in your eyes when you talk with her, something is wrong there; she might hiding something and then she is not the right girl for you

-she has to be smart, intelligent; this is a kind of woman who wont let you get bored, because will constantly surprise you; also it is nice to have someone with whom you can talk about everything

-she has to have patience in your relationship; so test her; if she asks you to take her out to dinner tell her that now it is not possible because you don’t have money so she has to wait until the salary day; see how she is reacting; if she understands you means that she loves you, if not and gets angry means that she stay with you only for your money so you better get rid of her

-is she beautiful? This doesn’t mean that she has to be miss beauty, just someone who wants to look good for you and for herself, try always to look her best, someone who you can be proud to be with; if she has just some beautiful parts that you like, this is ok

-she likes you the way you are; she doesn’t try to control you, doesn’t insist to give up your nights out with guys; she allows you to be yourself; she may suggest you a new sweater, but she is not critical on every aspect of the way you live

-she respects you; this means that she would never cause scenes in public in front of your family and friends and wait to discuss matters with you in private; also she is able to listen your opinion even if she doesn’t agree with what you say

-she is willing to do sacrifices for you; she is willing to move your furniture if it has too, wants to meet your friends, and she is wiling to try new things that you ask her even if she never do that again

-she has to have her own personality and opinions; to be able to enjoy time away from you, while still missing you; an independent woman is all you need

-she is able to make efforts for you, to get along with the most important people from your life: like your mom, dad, brothers, sisters and also friends

-you like the way she handles things; you like the way she sees the world, how she thinks, and her thoughts actually interest you

-she is friendly, respectfully, exactly how you like; you like the way she treats other people, is kind with strangers, animals

Now, all you have to do is to think if your girlfriend meets some of these requirements and to decide if she is the right girl for you.

By Ovi Dogar

 

Love – Forgiveness Is True Love June 5, 2007

Filed under: Love — sarah @ 8:27 am

Most of the lovers do not forgive their loved ones. They may forgive their sworn enemy, but they may not forgive their lover. Do you agree with me? Why is this so? It should have been exactly reverse. Why, let us discuss.

What is love? What do we understand by loving someone? How is love different than other relationships and emotions? In love, we give our whole mind and heart to our beloved. We try to keep our beloved most comfortable. We take care not to hurt our darling. In love, we care for each other. We are in the mood of giving in love. Giving always gives more pleasure in love than anything else.

If our darling makes a mistake, shall we berate them? Shall we blame them and give them pain? Shall we hold it against them forever? Shall we call them betrayer? If we do all this then it is not love, but a business relationship. I have given you so much now you give your truth, faithfulness and everything else in return.

In love, we have to forgive. We have to pacify our beloved that mistakes are a way of life and everybody does them. We have to tell them not to worry and we are with them. We have to tell them to stop thinking of what happened and think of good things and try to live life joyously. But a majority of us behaves in reverse. That is our failure. It was never love to begin with. If you believe that you love your darling, please learn forgiving.

 By  C.D.Mohatta
 

 

Sharing Feelings: Information or Attack? May 14, 2007

Filed under: Love — sarah @ 7:08 am

“I’m angry with you.”
“I’m feeling really hurt by what you said to me.”
“I’m so disappointed in you.”
“I’m feeling really irritated with you.”

How often have you said these things to others? And how do they generally respond?

Do they get defensive?
Do they get angry?
Do they withdraw?
Do they lecture or explain things to you, trying to talk you out of your feelings?
Do they become people pleasers, trying to fix your feelings?
Are they open and curious?

Most likely, they will respond with some form of protective, defensive behavior, because they probably feel attacked.

Why would they feel attacked by your expression of feelings?

When someone has done something that is upsetting to you, the question to ask yourself when you are sharing your feelings with that person is, “What is my intent in sharing my feelings with this person?”

There are two possible answers to this question:

1. I am sharing my feelings to give information.
2. I am sharing my feelings to blame the person for causing my feelings.

If you were sharing your feelings to give information, you might say, “I’m feeling angry with you, so I’m going out for a walk and try to deal with it.”

If you were taking responsibility for your own feelings, you may not say anything about your feelings to the other person. You would go inside and explore what you are telling yourself that is causing you to feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or irritated. You might share information, such as, “I’m feeling stressed, so I’m going to take a bath.”

But if you just say, “I’m angry with you,” or “You hurt my feelings,” then you are not taking responsibility for your feelings – you are dumping your feelings on the other person, and he or she will feel blamed.

“But he did make me angry!” you might be thinking. “She did hurt my feelings.” “He did disappoint me.” Behind these statements lies a major false belief – the belief that others cause your feelings.

It is not what another person says or does that causes your upsets, but your expectations and what you tell yourself about another’s behavior that causes your painful feelings. If you expected a birthday gift and didn’t get one, you will feel disappointed, but it is your expectation that caused the disappointment. If someone ignores you or rejects you, what do you tell yourself? Do you tell yourself that you are not good enough, not lovable enough? This is what will hurt you or make you feel angry. You will feel hurt and angry when you allow yourself to take others’ behavior personally. If you then blame them for your feelings, you are being a victim rather than taking responsibility for having taken their behavior personally.

Others will likely feel manipulated, blamed and controlled when you make a statement such as “I’m angry with you,” or “I’m feeling hurt by what you said.” If the other person says “That’s your problem,” or responds with anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal, and then you respond with “I’m just sharing my feelings,” the interaction can get really convoluted.

Next time you share your feelings and the other person gets angry, defensive, or withdrawn, take a moment to investigate your own intention. The chances are you are covertly blaming the other person for your feelings. Once you discover that this is what you are doing, disengage from the interaction and explore how you might be causing your own feelings. What are you telling yourself and how are you treating yourself that is causing your upsetting feelings?

You will discover that your interactions with others greatly improve when you stop being a victim by blaming others for your feelings and start to take responsibility for your own feelings.

By  Margaret Paul