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Are You Love Addicted? September 2, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — sarah @ 9:44 am

Imagine that you have a little child – a son or daughter, but that you are only 15 years old. How are you going to feel about this child? There is a good possibility that you will feel that this child is a burden, limiting your freedom. You will likely feel that the child is too demanding, needing too much from you. You may want to go out and have fun and not be tied down to this child.

Is this how you feel about your own inner child – your own feelings and needs? Does it feel burdensome to take loving care of yourself? Do you feel like your own feelings and needs are just too much to have to take care of? Do you feel like taking care of yourself is just hard? Do you believe it is selfish to take loving care of yourself? Do you wish someone else would come along and meet your emotional needs to feel loved, valued, and worthy?

If this is how you feel, it is because you have not yet done the inner work of developing a loving adult part of you – a part of you that is connected with a spiritual source of love, wisdom, strength, guidance and comfort. It is your adolescent self who is charge, and this part of you not only does not want the job of taking care of you, it is not adequate to handle the job.

This is what creates love addiction.

You have a little child inside you – your feeling self – who need lots of love, attention, comfort, valuing, validating, connection and compassion. When you have no desire to give this to yourself because you feel it is too hard, you feel too inadequate, you think it is selfish, or you believe that it is someone else’s job to meet these needs, then you are abandoning yourself. If you believe that your best feelings come from someone else loving you instead of you loving you, then you are abandoning yourself. And when you abandon yourself, that little child in you is left to get the love he or she needs elsewhere.

When you abandon yourself because you have not learned how to take loving care of yourself or because you don’t want the responsibility of your own feelings and needs, that is when you become needy of others love and attention. You learn many ways of trying to get the love, attention and compassion you need.

Think for a moment about what you do to get love, connection, attention, approval or compassion from others.

Do you try to be perfect – looking right, saying the right thing, being a high achiever? Do you try to be cute or funny? Do you try to show others how smart you are? Do you strive to have the best – the best house, the best car, the best wife or husband, the best children, the best clothing? Or, do you act helpless, incompetent, in need of rescuing? Do you pull on others with your complaining, your incessant talking, your whining, sulking, silence, or your bragging? Are you overly nice, a people-pleaser? Do you attempt to get the attention you want through intimidation – with anger, threats, blame, or violence?

When you have abandoned yourself and are love-addicted, you will have developed many ways of trying to have control over getting the love you need. That little child in you is desperate to be loved. The emptiness of the self-abandonment and the resulting longing for love leads you to behave in the very ways that end up pushing others away. It is a losing battle. IT WILL NEVER WORK. You will never get the love you need by trying to get others to give to you what only you can give to yourself.

By Margaret Paul

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Top 5 Ways To Get Your Ex Back September 1, 2007

Filed under: Tips — sarah @ 7:13 am

You messed up and the woman of your dreams left you. The man you love broke your heart and you have no idea why. With Valentines Day just around the corner you might be remembering the one who “got away”. We’ve all been there, a relationship ends and you are left still longing for your ex. Well there might still be some hope left for you. It may not be fun, and it will require you to put your pride to the side, but if you follow the Top 5 Ways To Get Your Ex Back you might be able to pull it off!

Reach Out!
Do not let the lines of communication between you and your ex end, they are very hard to regain. With so many methods of communication there is no excuse for not keeping in touch. A simple phone call, email or letter to say hi and see how things are going is a good way to show that you still care and are interested. If the two of you are able to remain friends, it is much easier to remind your ex of the good times you had together and let them know you are there for the long run. Note: There is a fine line between remaining friends and becoming a stalker. Do not keep pushing your ex, know that no means no! A friend is appreciated and stalker is grounds for a restraining order. Know your limits and know when it is time to cut your losses.

Don’t Play the Field!
You may have some free time on your hands now that you and your significant other are no longer joined at the hip, don’t use this time to expand your little black book. If you are serious about getting back with your ex you need to prove to them that there is no one else for you. It does not help your cause if you are trying to make “fall back” relationships in the meantime. Often times this is hard to explain and very rarely appreciated.

Do NOT Play Games!
This one is hard to follow, it seems to be in everyone’s nature, but do not fall into the trap. Show you ex that you are committed to being and behaving like an adult. That maturity is what a person looks for in a partner and can help you rekindle that loving feeling.

Stay in Shape and Improve Yourself!
Your partner obviously did not want to be with you for a reason. Try and figure out what that reason might be, and if you feel your ex was right, work on improving it. Becoming a lifeless couch potato is not going to make your ex come running back into your arms. Try working on what you like about yourself and getting rid of what you don’t like about yourself. Even if you and your ex don’t work things out, you will have a new and improved persona to woo the world with.

Be Yourself!
We just told you should improve yourself, that doesn’t mean you should lose yourself. Your ex loved you for a reason and that was because you are a unique human being…you might have just had annoying quirks. Work on improving yourself, but don’t try to become someone you are not just to impress a potential suitor. If you do, you are not only setting yourself, but also the relationship, up for disaster. You can only pretend to be someone else for so long before it all comes crumbling down. Save yourself the trouble and learn to love yourself and others will follow along.

By JB