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How To Deal With Losing A Friend May 27, 2007

Filed under: Tips — sarah @ 7:39 am

Losing a friend can be really tough, especially when it is through no fault of your own. Even though you might feel sad, realize that it’s not the end of the world. You will get over it and you will make new friends.

  1. Take time to mourn over your loss. This is a big change in your daily life to not have that friend as a part of it. Cry, shout, hit the pillow, play the music at its loudest possible. Do whatever it takes to get the sadness, rage, anger, disappointment etc. out of your system. Let it out so that you can move on from these destructive feelings and so that you can cease to harbor negativity that you will continue to carry if you do not release it.
  2. Find a new hobby, activity or regular social event. Don’t sit around and sob incessantly. Do something proactive and lively to distract your mind and soul. Quit moping and resume your path in life. Go shopping, treat yourself to an ice cream at your local restaurant, or go and play a sport. Take up a hobby or set yourself a challenge, such as a 5000 piece jigsaw or beating the computer at a game of chess.
  3. Join a club. You will meet lots of new people and get heaps of new friends instantly.
  4. Find a new friend. There is always someone new. Talk to people around school, college, work or your neighborhood. Talk to people that you have never really talked to before and you may be pleasantly surprised. Be nice and friendly, but don’t be overly friendly the first time you approach them. Just go up and say “Hi” or something, and try to act casually. If you start talking to each other, don’t act too eager to be friends too quickly. Just be yoursel and stay casual. And take it calmly and slowly – simply because you have lost one friend doesn’t mean you should rush out and find another replacement. Friendship develops over time and needs careful choices and good tending.
  5. Avoid spending time thinking of ways to make your former friend jealous. This will only make you look sad and desperate and it only ever rebounds on yourself. Revenge fantasies might amuse your sorrowful side but they are a pure waste of energy and dig a deeper level of sadness and inaction for you. See step 1 again if you find yourself falling into this trap.
  6. Keep a casual relationship with your former friend. When you see your former friend around, don’t be sour or nasty. If he or she talks to you, don’t ignore your former friend. Just say hi back and if you still don’t want to have a long conversation, be polite and just excuse yourself. Having an appointment or a homework assignment to complete are good enough excuses.
  7. Don’t spread rumours about the person, or talk about them to everyone. Nobody will want to be your friend if they discover that you talk about people behind their backs.
  8. Smile! Find things to smile about. Do something for someone, raise money for charity by doing a sponsored run, do things that make you happy again. Realize that you don’t need this person to make you happy, and it is not the end of the world now that they have gone. It is one of life’s lessons and there should be a kernel of wisdom in what happened for you to learn from.
  9. Get on with your life. This is the most important lesson. Don’t stop going out with other friends, or take it out on them. Carry on as if everything is normal, and it will feel normal. Soon you will forget all about this person, or at least, be able to think of them without bitterness or sadness.

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