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To End or Not to End Your Relationship? March 25, 2007

Filed under: Life,Love — sarah @ 6:31 am

You’re wondering if you want to stay with your partner. You feel lonely, misunderstood, frustrated, and you’re not sure how to change that. His behavior confuses you. Most of the time he’s angry, but sometimes he’s very kind. He doesn’t help you with the household very often, but this morning he did put the garbage out. He doesn’t seem to care much about your work, but yesterday he suddenly asked if you like your job. He’s always out with his friends, but now he surprised you with a romantic dinner.

You’re trying hard to figure out whether it’s better to stay or to leave, but you’re not making any progress. The more you think about it, the more confused you are. You are losing sleep, and the sleep you do get is patchy and restless. You’re swinging back and forth between staying or leaving. One moment you’re convinced he’s a bad choice and you’d better leave him, but the next moment you get anxious and afraid that you won’t manage on your own. You are looking for reasons to stick it out, telling yourself that “it’s not that bad, he doesn’t drink, my sister’s husband is much worse,” or “I have to compromise, everybody has to bear his cross, perfect relationships don’t exist,” and so on.

These one-liners won’t help you out, not even a tiny bit, and neither will all of your friends’ opinions. Every friend you share your problem with will offer you their own particular piece of advice, according to his or her current situation and belief system.

You are at a loss. What to do? Where to turn? Your head can’t help you because, as a logical executive, your brain is not equipped to resolve problems of the heart. Your brain can’t get you out of this terrible gridlock, simply because it’s a heart matter. You won’t need your brain functions until after having come to a decision.

How can you hear what your heart is telling you? How can you be sure you’re making the right decision? Follow the advice below and find out!

Rather than focusing on your problems, instead focus on your mission on Earth. Rather than obsessing over your relationship and desperately trying to find a solution, instead concentrate on yourself and on the reason of your being here on Earth. Occupy yourself with your life goals. You don’t have any? Then setting up your goals will be the first step to take! You don’t know what you are living for? Then this will be your first priority: to find out who you are, why you are here and what your specific mission here on earth is about.

Focus on yourself and your mission. If you are not clear about your mission here on Earth, then start by actively searching for your purpose. Find out! Grab a book or an Internet course and discover your reason of being on Earth here and now.

You already know your mission? Then increase the focus on your personal goals and do all it takes to achieve them. You don’t know how to do this? Learn it! There are plenty of courses available on the Internet or in any library, that will guide you step by step towards the realization of your dreams.

So stop focusing on your relationship, stop driving yourself crazy running around in circles and get to work at what really matters in life: you, your mission, your passion, your specific talents and what you came here to do. I can assure you that as you focus on what really matters, very soon you will acquire a new, clear perspective on everything in your life, including your relationship.

A good relationship is one that supports you in the pursuit of your mission and dreams. A bad relationship is one that disregards your dreams, keeps you from them, or laughs at you when you set out to achieve your goals.

Don’t focus on your partner or your problems. Focus on your talents, discover them, develop them, and offer them to the world. Let’s say you are wondering whether you will stay with your partner. Well, instead of torturing yourself with this question, ask yourself what you are here for, and find that out first! What excites you? What did you like to do as a child? What gives you an energy boost? Which activity feels natural to you? What is it that you accomplish without effort? Go do it! Attend workshops that further develop your talents. Become an expert in what you are already good at. If you don’t know what that is, then now is the time to go find out!

Focus on your mission and see what happens to your relationship. A good relationship will help you on your way. A bad relationship will try to hold you back. See what happens and make your decision.

Written by Ineke Van Lint, psychologist.

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